Many of my clients ask me when will I find love.
I ask them have you looked behind the couch?
Have you checked the knife draw?
This elicits an expression of either confusion or 'has this man gone mad'.
But eventually they realise that love is not an object so can neither be found or lost, it can also neither be given or received.
The reason. Love is what you do.
This may sound a little picky because we all know what they really mean is when am I going to find that wonderful relationship. So am I any easier on them when we establish that what they really want is a relationship? Hell no. Relationships cannot be picked of the shelf, the very word implies a connection. This connection can be (a) built up over time and bond develops that hold two people together or (b) in some instances an attractive force can draw two people together. In both cases the bond and the force is a form of, or application of love. Which is what you do.
Inside you, inside everyone is the natural ability to love. It is an imperative built into us which means we cannot help but love. Unfortunately in many of us the opposite to love, fear, is slowly concreted within us over time which inhibits our ability to love. We naturally love, we learn to fear. It is fear that is the destroyer of love so you need to destroy fear, then you will be better able to love and you will become as a beacon to others that will sense the real you.
So how do you destroy fear?
Some will say sometimes fear is important for survival to stop us doing something which will harm us. This is not true, if we know something is going to harm us we simply choose not to do it. There is no need for fear, for fear is a reaction, a re-action, we repeat something over and over again, very often without even knowing why. This is born from not taking responsibility. There is a very common misunderstand, responsibility is not taking the blame, responsibility is the ability to respond. So by not taking responsibility for life we are denying ourself the ability to respond to life. We limit ourself to reacting to life and reacting is very different to responding. Reacting is about fear and we want love not fear, right. Another common misunderstanding is that taking responsibility means taking action. This is not true, our response may well be to take action but it could equally be to take no action. This is the wonderful benefit of taking responsibility we can choose our actions. We cannot choose our reactions. Our responses are only limited by our capabilities not past events not fear of future events. Our responses are our own by taking responsibility we own our life, we take charge of our life and are free. You are free of fear and free to love.
So how do you love?
Some people have said that you should first love yourself. This is not true. In a way I can see where this comes from but it is not right. If you have a spouse and they go away for a conference, do you stop loving them? If your spouse passes away, do you stop loving them? No, because your love is inside you it does not reside in your spouse or anybody or any thing only in you. What happens when you fall in love, what does this mean? What it means is that you have built a wall around you and in this wall you have built a door and this door is locked. So one day you give the key to this door to someone, some very special someone. Unfortunately this key has legs and a will of its own so once again we are in fear. What we must do is get rid of the door, get rid of the wall and take responsibility for what happens next. Get rid of all the boundaries and live unbounded and you will be a living embodiment of love, because in essence that is who you are.
The only way out is in. Now you are literally in love, swimming in the life energy that is love. You still do not have that special someone in your life but now all you need to do is let go and let be and opportunities will be there for you and you can choose how you respond. When you accept responsibility and discover that the only way out is in. You will not be coming back to me asking when will I find love.